Hi,
Can’t help it. Just have to do this. Hang on. If you are easily offended, leave now. If you get outraged easily, close this blog. If you are COMMITTED to your beliefs, run for the hills. Here goes.
First, here is a story from my good friend, who shall remain anonymous – at least for the moment -
A good friend of mine works in a middle school. I was telling her about my frustration with the way some teachers go out of their way to facilitate parents’ micromanagement of their kids. My daughter’s in 6th grade, and I get regular emails reminding me to remind her to dress warmly and get enough sleep and bring a calculator, etc. I’m asked to sign notes about project due dates and study time and report cards, and I’m alerted when she forgets her homework.
It actually seems worse than when she was in elementary school. What’s going on here?!
This was my friend’s reply – who happens to be a teacher:
“I think this is in response to parents who really, really, really want to know EVERYthing that’s going on… My parent night this past week was great, but no matter how much I encouraged backing off, many had super-specific questions. I think over the years, these parents have ‘won’ and they’re getting the communication they demand. It’s all so weird. A friend of mine teaches on the college level and she has received emails from parents asking her to clarify assignments for their 20 YEAR OLD CHILDREN!!!! Seriously, stone me to death in the public square if I become this parent !!!!!!!!!”
Have these parents won? Are teachers reluctantly obliging? Or unknowingly enabling? Do they secretly want parents to back off? Or do they view it as extra help to make each day go as smoothly as possible?
I’m actually starting to feel afraid for these next generations. Perpetual smooth is not good. Our kids are being systematically robbed of their rightful lumps and bumps. And none of us will be better off for it.
Please, help spread the word. Push back. Say no. Ask for LESS information, not more. Settle in to the back seat where you can watch and encourage but you canNOT grab the steering wheel or hit the brakes.
Then tell all your friends! As the saying goes, if we all do a little, we can do a lot.
Here is what she received the very next day
- Need I say more?
Okay, so you know who it is. But she knew I was going to post this. Check out the conversation she had with her child about this note on her blog - Twelve and a Half Weeks
Now, I have been making a stink at school for years. Well, that’s not entirely true. I created a reputation when my kids were still in elementary school so by the time they hit middle and high school, the administration KNEW I wouldn’t be getting involved in my kids education. Now don’t get me wrong, I support strong study skills and being respectful in the classroom and following through with agreements and all that. But I draw the line of school grabbing, or trying to anyway, another 2 hours of my time with my kids. Isn’t gonna happen.
So here is how I will end this post. A very smart and savvy parent sent this too me. It sums it up. Enjoy. And feel free to share your comments. I can take it.
Ummm, did I help spur this post?
Yep, that’s me. I’m just going to back out of the school hallway now and make a bee line for the door. After my last visit to her teacher (ahem, this week) I could just feel the teacher’s eyes rolling at my approach. It appears S wasn’t listening to the instructions. But when I asked S if she wanted to ask for clarification she said she wanted me to do it. I am such a SUCKER! My kid can handle it, she just hasn’t had to because I do it for her. Okay, I’m done.
No. You didn’t spur this. It was coming. Just seemed to be good timing. Enjoy. Love you.
To add to the ridiculousness of they way our kids can be treated/praised in school here’s a story. I took a healthy eating lecture offered by our school to get some more ideas for meals – it was a great class and I learned much from it.
The following week when I went into my sons class to drop him off the teacher handed me something – it was a certificate of completion – or something like that – I didn’t read it all – because all I could think was “serisously? they wasted paper on THIS?”. I couldn’t believe it – the praise is bad enough for the kids, but now they’re spreading out to the parents TOO?
Nuts.
awesome, eloquently stated, i am with you! video was great, too.
Loved the blog note and the video at the end. Could say a lot, but instead I’ll just limit my comment to:
“AUSSIE, AUSSIE, AUSSIE!!! HOY, HOY, HOY!!!”
You the bomb, Vicki.
Hey – thanks all for the feedback. Just as many out there who think it’s ducky that we treat our teens like infants. I’m not one of them.
Beki – thanks for very touching message. Coffee? Let me know what works for you.
Fabulous video!! Love it. I am a parent of a kiddo with high-functioning autism, and boy I am trying extra-hard to teach him along the way to contribute at home and be responsible for himself. He’s only 8 and is already doing more than his typical teenage (and older!) cousins who can’t even load the dishwasher!! Luckily our school (so far) has been supportive of developing responsible individuals.
thanks for sharing!
Carol in NH